It’s blockbuster comic book movie season again and this year we have DC unveiling a new Superman film and Marvel taking its 4^th swing at The Fantastic Four.  I’ll be writing more about the latter but today I want to talk about the big guy with the cape and the red “S” on his chest.

The whole idea of Superman is stupid. 

I’m sorry if this pisses some folks off but I say this as an avid comic book fan going back to my pre-teen years.  I’m dorky enough about comics that I was even able to impress Marvel’s President Marvel Kevin Fiege with a deep Star Lord reference back when I met him during my script consulting for Doctor Strange.  Eventually I will dive into why I think Marvel is sooooo much better than DC.   But today let’s focus on the Superman problem which is simple to state.

How super is Superman really?

He’s faster than a speeding bullet but is he faster than everything in the Universe?  Is he faster than the Flash?  If not, why?  He’s more powerful than a locomotive but can he absorb an atomic bomb blast?  How about a million atomic bomb blasts?  Can he dive into a star?  How about a black hole?  The problem is Superman’s powers have always been so fluid that he can do whatever the script requires him to do (but maybe not until the last minute when he really needs to exert some super willpower). 

It’s sort of like Star Trek and the warp drive only much worse.  Scotty (or whoever the chief engineer is) is always able to squeeze a little more warp out the drive if Kirk (or whoever the captain is) really, really needs it.  When it comes to Superman he does have a fatal susceptibility to Kryptonite (which is a boring plot device), but other than that his powers seem to be elastic.

Also, while I am on the subject, what’s with Superman’s “secret identity”.  I mean the only difference between the man of steel and his alter ego Clark Kent is a pair of glasses.  Is Metropolis full of idiots?

To close I’d like to compare the Superdude with the greatest of all superhero stories: Spiderman.  Spiderman is not a cardboard cutout of a hero.  He’s a guy (a kid really) whose life got worse when he got superpowers.  And those powers are well defined.  He’s as strong as a spider (in relative terms), he swings from a web, and he’s got that “Spidey-sense”. 

Bing-Bang-Boom.

You know what to expect from issue to issue or movie to movie.  Finally, his costume actually hides his identity.  New Yorkers are no fools, and a pair of glasses will definitely not cut it.

Ok, that’s my rant for the day. I’d be interested to hear where folks land on the “Superman is stupid” thing. I’ll note that none of this will stop me from seeing the movie. I am a super dork and will watch anything in the superhero/sci-fi genre.

— Adam Frank 🚀